I too search for lost time, he thought. Just like the book.

But the title isn't mine, nor the words for that matter.

And it's the way it goes, thinking, pondering on whether

I should give in, the writer I've never been,

the one and only story that does never come to life.

Half the time, and the clock still tickin' away, bit by bit.

Something honest that could bring hope to where there's none.

Just write 'bout what you know, keep it simple, and don't ever forget

that glory lives in every heart that does not deny it being there.

How simple could it be, to just be able to believe, in something, anything at all.

I got god with me somewhere, nights ago that turned years, corners

of doomed streets back when I heard, when I found out

it just wasn't up to me, or you, or anyone anymore.

Don't you worry now, 'cause it is still hard to hold one to that one belief,

that one single thing that keeps you glued to the platform, as

in Sunset Limited . I never read the bible. I should.

I just can't help it - Chekhov, Kafka, Cormac, the feeling of pressure

buildin' up as another year goes by, another name in another book,

someone else to somehow tell me I can, but somehow I won't,

somewhere in my head telling me it will never be.

But it didn't go on rainin' after almost a week, last week.

How long can it last, this idea that it does never have to be more than it is,

that it shouldn't ever be more, never money, never the cover of magazines.

How long can one survive on that, on silence, on the aloneness of never restin' sure.

Conrad, am I ever going to write something like Heart of Darkness ?

Good god, please don't tell me, I would not be able to take this no.

The one belief, indestructible at first glance, maybe frail or even broken tomorrow-

but to live for that everlasting instant, that holding that something for a second,

life itself, the end of me at last, of asking and wondering, of not wanting not knowing.

I look for and end where there's none. No way to finish but to go on. No other

issues to deal with, really, but Life and Death.